The common mistake we make during critical conversations and how to avoid it

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The common mistake we make during critical conversations and how to avoid it

Often, we go into critical conversations with a certain predetermined outcome we want. And while it's really good to have a goal for what we want to accomplish in the conversation, there's a risk to becoming attached to a particular solution or approach.

What I suggest is that you have a goal for what you want to accomplish, but that you stay tentative and open about HOW you will accomplish it and allow that to be co-developed DURING the conversation, with full involvement from your conversation partner(s).

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Who Cares Whose Idea it Was? Why People Love Your Idea Much Better if They Thought of it First

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Who Cares Whose Idea it Was? Why People Love Your Idea Much Better if They Thought of it First

We like to get credit for our great ideas. It’s natural.

We all like to think our ideas are the best, most clever, and best fitting ones. Generally speaking, of course.

And that’s why we should try to give that experience to the people we are trying to influence or convince or co-create with. Because they’ll be more likely to get on board with the idea if it’s something they thought of. Or at least helped shape.

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The Top 10 Conversations Every Leader Should Have with Every Employee

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The Top 10 Conversations Every Leader Should Have with Every Employee

Last week I visited sunny Ft. Lauderdale to speak at a financial services association’s conference about how to radically transform the way in which we do performance appraisals. The number one tip of the 5 best practices for a better performance management approach I shared with the audience is this: Make performance feedback an ongoing and informal practice. Ongoing, regular, and timely conversations with employees about performance, goals, career, and feedback contribute tremendously to their current and future level of performance and engagement at work. Here are my top 10 types of conversations that I think every leader should be having with every employee throughout each year:

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Harness the power of your emotional intelligence!

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Harness the power of your emotional intelligence!

You've heard the term emotional intelligence (aka EQ) bandied around. Do you know what it means? If not, you might have fallen for the common myth that being emotionally intelligent means being more emotional. That's really not the case. What being emotionally intelligent actually means is becoming more aware of your own and others' emotions, increasing your capacity to manage your own emotions and take into account those of others, so that you can increase your ability to be more, not less, rational in your actions. Your communication and your relationships will improve when you harness your emotional intelligence!

Read this post to learn more about what EQ is and how to harness it for improved communication.

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What’s in a name: the what, why, and how of the name game for networking, personal branding, and building relationships

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What’s in a name: the what, why, and how of the name game for networking, personal branding, and building relationships

When I teach my clients about networking, personal branding, communicating, and connecting meaningfully with others, the subject of names comes up often. Many, if not most, people I work with admit they have a hard time remembering names. Some people think it’s just the way it is, and some people feel ill-at-ease about it.

Here’s a brief summary of the “what”, “why”, and “how” of the name-game: what is wrapped up in names, why you should make an effort around names, and how to help others learn yours as well as how to learn and remember other people’s names more easily.

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How to Power Up Your Workplace Presentations

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How to Power Up Your Workplace Presentations

Guest Post by Alexia Vernon: While there is little more painful than seeing and hearing a speaker deliver inaccurate, incomplete, or unhelpful content, one thing that is at least equally painful is when someone has so much expertise she or he doesn't know how to make it meaningful for an audience. Here are my top 3 ways to ensure that your next presentation, whether it’s just at a departmental meeting or in front of a large group of employees, is memorable AND translates into the action you want to see from your people.

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7 Surefire Tricks for Being a More Engaging Communicator

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7 Surefire Tricks for Being a More Engaging Communicator

Whether in casual conversations or business presentations, one-on-one or with a group, getting others to be drawn into and engaged with you is important if you want to get your message across successfully and leave them wanting more. Here are seven surefire tricks that will help you be a people magnet and become more engaging in your communication interactions:

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 3 of 3]

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 3 of 3]

Have you ever stopped to think about the practice of shaking hands with people we meet in business functions and meetings? Why do we do it? Does it still make sense in this day and age? And do the rules about the proper protocol for how to shake hands still hold or should they be revised with time and progress in our society? Do other societies and cultural groups also use this practice and do the same norms apply there (as my friend Marina Kraus asked me)? My colleague Larry Straining added: “Is there an appropriate order (or hierarchy) for shaking hands in a group. Right to left? Ladies first? Age? Position?”

In this three-part series on handshaking, I will attempt to answer some of the questions that abound about the practice of handshaking in business. In Part 1, we’ll review why we shake hands in the first place, what your handshake says about you, and consider whether we should keep shaking hands or quit this practice altogether. In Part 2, we’ll explore whether handshaking is culture-specific or universal. And in Part 3, we’ll examine what other options we have and a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help us all practice proper handshaking protocol (say that three times fast ;) ).

Read Part 3 now...

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 2 of 3]

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 2 of 3]

Have you ever stopped to think about the practice of shaking hands with people we meet in business functions and meetings? Why do we do it? Does it still make sense in this day and age? And do the rules about the proper protocol for how to shake hands still hold or should they be revised with time and progress in our society? Do other societies and cultural groups also use this practice and do the same norms apply there (as my friend Marina Kraus asked me)? My colleague Larry Straining added: “Is there an appropriate order (or hierarchy) for shaking hands in a group. Right to left? Ladies first? Age? Position?”

In this three-part series on handshaking, I will attempt to answer some of the questions that abound about the practice of handshaking in business. In Part 1, we’ll review why we shake hands in the first place, what your handshake says about you, and consider whether we should keep shaking hands or quit this practice altogether. In Part 2, we’ll explore whether handshaking is culture-specific or universal. And in Part 3, we’ll examine what other options we have and a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help us all practice proper handshaking protocol (say that three times fast ;) ).

Read Part 2 now...

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 1 of 3]

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Handshaking: What is it good for? [Part 1 of 3]

Have you ever stopped to think about the practice of shaking hands with people we meet in business functions and meetings? Why do we do it? Does it still make sense in this day and age? And do the rules about the proper protocol for how to shake hands still hold or should they be revised with time and progress in our society? Do other societies and cultural groups also use this practice and do the same norms apply there (as my friend Marina Kraus asked me)? My colleague Larry Straining added: “Is there an appropriate order (or hierarchy) for shaking hands in a group. Right to left? Ladies first? Age? Position?”

In this three-part series on handshaking, I will attempt to answer some of the questions that abound about the practice of handshaking in business. In Part 1, we’ll review why we shake hands in the first place, what your handshake says about you, and consider whether we should keep shaking hands or quit this practice altogether. In Part 2, we’ll explore whether handshaking is culture-specific or universal. And in Part 3, we’ll examine what other options we have and a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help us all practice proper handshaking protocol (say that three times fast ;) ).

Read Part 1 now...

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What the FFF? Or, how to avoid triggering Fight, Flight, or Freeze responses in others

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What the FFF? Or, how to avoid triggering Fight, Flight, or Freeze responses in others

Our brains are wired to avoid threats and to react to perceived threats by Fight, Flight, or Freeze: fighting them, fleeing from them, or sometimes freezing from the shock of them. This threat response is not limited just to physical danger and has been shown to occur in social and work settings. In this post, I explain the science behind these threat responses and show you how to avoid triggering this kind of social threat response and get more rational, better quality, and less disruptive responses to your work interactions.

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Six Principles of Effective Communication

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Six Principles of Effective Communication

We all have relationships in which we communicate with ease, and others in which we feel like we’re “walking on eggshells” – always careful with our words, trying not to offend or create a defensive response. It’s natural to have different levels of communication chemistry with different personalities and there’s no way to fully level the playing field. Yet, it’s also possible to reduce the likelihood of defensiveness and to increase our success when we communicate with just about anyone, anywhere. Here are six principles that can help you communicate more effectively: ...

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Do you have the right mindset for effective feedback?

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Do you have the right mindset for effective feedback?

Giving and receiving feedback can sometimes backfire - we've all experienced it. One of the 'tricks' to giving and receiving feedback effectively starts BEFORE you even open your mouth or begin the conversation: it starts with your mindset and the context of the relationship between the feedback conversation partners. In my latest vlog (video blog), I help you recognize both the right mindset and the proper context for giving feedback in a way that's better received.

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3.5 Ideas for Building Trust (even if it’s virtual)

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3.5 Ideas for Building Trust (even if it’s virtual)

Trust is a tricky subject. It comes up a lot in my conversations with leaders and teams because it is extremely complex and there are lots of obstacles in the way of building trust. I just put the final touches on a full-day workshop solely on this subject for one of my clients, and thought I’d share 3.5 great ideas that may help you increase your ability to generate and sustain trust with others.

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How to REALLY Listen: Reduce Conflict by Staying Low on the Ladder of Inference

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How to REALLY Listen: Reduce Conflict by Staying Low on the Ladder of Inference
Whenever we are interacting with others, we are always using the information available to make assumptions about their character and intentions so we can decide how to react, what to say, and what to do. However, we mix observable, objective facts with our subjective inferences based on our past experience, upbringing, mood, and biases. Learn about this process and how to avoid jumping to the wrong conclusions. It will help you reduce misunderstandings and minimize unnecessary conflicts!
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